I need to point a few things out about my websites. Anyone who has followed my sites, has seen that I simply have not been doing anything with them. I haven’t had the mental capacity to mess with them much. Thankfully, wordpress is very easy to use, or I wouldn’t be blogging right now.
My about me page, which has disappeared, I am not sure why, was written many years ago. It was written before I had my son. I haven’t updated it. Yes I have kept my sites online, in other words they exists on the internet. However, I have not been updating the information very often.
Years ago, I thought to make a site called askjina.com to help people understand their insurance benefits. It was partially built and published. However, I abandoned it. I had to. I no longer was going to be able to do anything with it. I had to focus on myself and my son, due to health problems for me, and my son being diagnosed as having autism.
In the original about me page, it stated that I had two dogs. As a matter of fact, both of those dogs have since passed, that is how old that about me page is. And it is the same on any other site I’ve created.
I am so tired of having to explain myself, and fight against the system, or against people who have done bad things. It is hard to keep going, but I have a beautiful son who I love dearly and who needs me.
I have a chronic pain condition called pudenal nueralgia. It is the result of poor care while I gave birth to my son and immediatly afterwards. This condition, has changed my life. I used todo many things, and be active. I used to drive into town with no problems. I used be a normal active driven person. All of that changed. Everyone who really knows me can attest to the changes they have seen in me and that I am a different person.
If you have never heard of my condition, which wouldn’t surprise me at all, I have pain in my pelvic floor and lower back. That means pain in the vaginal and anal area. I am on medicaitons, go to physical therapy, see a specialist, have had many procedures done, gone to therapy, done biofeedback, tried accupuncture, and just about any other possible thing that could help me. But the pain is still there. It is constant. Some days are worse than others. I use a tens unit to help with pain control. I use hot/cold. I use pillows to keep pressure off my pelvic floor and to keep my back in a comfortable position. If I sit, it is with a pillow, unless I am on a very soft surface and then I sit sort of on my side/hip so that pressure is off my pelvic floor. I have to alter positions. Sitting, movements, excercise, and many things that mean moving your body, causes me pain. Some of the pain I have learned to simply ignore. Complaining about it doesn’t make it better, so I distract myself.
The medications that I am on have their own side effect issue. And yes, I deal with depression and anxiety as well that has been created in part by being in constant pain, as well as just the circumstances that have delivered me to this point in my life.
I am on disability. It is a benefit that I paid into while I was working. I have applied for SSDI., but have not received it yet. Apparently the many medical records for them are not enough. It’s very frustrating, that people who have no medical degree, get to decide whether I am disabled enough to meet their “standards.” I understand that they have their own training, but I believe that medical condition are very individual, so many things have to be taken into account, and that includes medical history, as well as medical records, as well as what the individual says about their own condition. I understand, that there are those out there, that would milk the system so to speak, or lie.
Buth here’s the thing. The doctors writing the medical records, are not lying. The witnesses, who have seen the person hurting are not lying. There are so many people involved in a person’s life ,like mine, it would be impossible for ALL of them to be lying. I feel ike if someone is questing my integrity regarding my pain, then they are also questioning every Medical provider I have every seen. Medical providers, and I have had many over the years, are not going to lie to get someone on disability and risk their whole life and medical license, and reputation. I just can’t see them doing that.
Particularly for me, my providers are spread out, don’t work in the same offices, and don’t practice together.
It’s hard to keep fighting for justice, because people can’t see my pain. So they question me. What do I have to gain by lying? NOTHING.
I am probably one of the most honest people you would ever meet. I don’t see the point in lying and god knows I wouldn’t be able to remember lies if I told them. I figure the truth will always out. So why bother putting yourself in that position.
My husband has tried to talk to me and I told him I couldn’t talk to him because I couldn only focus on one thing at a time. If you knew me or ever worked with me, you would be shocked to hear that. I use to be able to multi-task like you wouldn’t believe. I can’t do it now. It has to do with the medications that I am on.
Anyway, I guess I’m done ranting for now. I am going to try and blog on this site more, since I can be on my computer, while lying in bed because I have an over the bed table like they have in hospitals.
So, to anyone reading this. Websites are not updated. My pain is real. While I am tired of fighting for myself, I will continue to do so. Which is why I am posting this and looking for original file creation dates.